The Infinite To Do List (otherwise known as do-you-Swindoo?)

I’m sure everyone has one, a vague collection of plans and dates that you will tackle when you have a moment. I have one that I am gradually working my way through, adding to it more often than I cross something off. It is fast becoming a creation so complex you need at least two additional dimensions you to make any sense of it, and even then you need 3D glasses.

The meta-list involves the big three: Jabberwocky, House, Income. Don’t tell our mortgage lender, but that’s in order of priority. Off to one side and a little forward is a wish list associated with each: The Beast still needs an oven for some of Barny’s creations, and a generator to power the deep fat fryer. The house needs a dog, a cat and several chickens (best not to tell Barny about those, it’s like mentioning children at the moment – a subject best avoided). As for the Income, the job market seems rather parched at the moment, but this is a wish list, so something will come along.

Below, on a different sub level, and best viewed through prescription sunglasses, is the most urgent list. Composed on the back of an envelope in at least three different pens it outlines the most vital tasks, like keeping an eye on the various Ebay bids for pieces of Jabberwocky, getting some pictures on the website and making twitter and the facebook page talk to one another. It occurs to me that all of those jobs can be done at the computer, and that I am, currently, at the computer. It’s possible I’m procrastinating a little.

Sideways off from that, best viewed on a sunny, hopeful day with unlimited time, is the list of people-to-call-about-the-house. Here my thoughts go out to anyone who has ever moved house and their equally epic list of people to inform. I stand with you, fellow house-mover, and agree that there must be an easier way of doing this. Perhaps if we just tell the DVLA, who in any case need every piece of information I have ever owned to process something as supposedly simple as a change of address; they’re very organised, I’m sure they could just drop a line to British Gas and let them know.

Unlikely the system will be up and running in the next two weeks, I will have to do the leg work this time. The perfect sunshine and holiday attitude in Leamington are a huge boon here. I may be a little too cynical for a royal wedding, but with the prospect of 11 days off for most of the country even we few who do not benefit can feel the love. In the spirit of the season I will add a blog post to my list, and cross it off. Then perhaps “call the parents”, with whom I have just spoken, and cross it off. This hugely satisfying but ultimately pointless exercise of adding to a list just to cross it off appears, if the internet is anything to go by, to be confined to myself and 6 members of a facebook group with the same name, but this cannot possibly be the case. I therefore move that the practise be given the name swindoning, in accordance with the creation of new words as outlined in the Meaning of Liff, and I can proudly declare myself to be swindone with list making.